I speak to you in the language of snake and crow. You reply in poetic verse and song. I tell you music is the language of the dead and you agree. This is why we can eat mulberries off the ground in July. You bite my fingers for a photograph as two large dogs scour the area.
I tell you I’m part wolf and you say he is too but that my eyes are like that of a tiger. I tell you they change with mood and weather. I tell you your eyes are like the ocean. You reply “dirty?” We laugh and you tell me this is a perfect moment as we breath in sea air.
I’m waving goodbye to you from the horizon. You are already gone but I still wave. I’m in the countryside again and when you hit ground a woman walks up to me. She hands me a red rose and says, “This is for you.” The imaginary you says it too.
You tell me that you’ve been having conversations with me in public by yourself. That you took me to see a film that reminded you of me and I appreciate that because I had cake on your birthday even though you weren’t here.
I tell you I live mostly in the underworld, that I don’t know how to form friendships or relationships, that I try but they’re always at base level. I’m thinking about that cafe again, where we went when I called you my brother and we said we’d be sibling lovers. I gave you a key and you gave me a pendant. We all had aventurine that day.
I’m writing you letters, you’re reading my book. I travel to the countryside again. You tell me you traveled with me and you are reading my book. You say you feel like you’re in the car. I send you Brian’s song. You put on headphones.
I’m traveling back and forth through time and memory. I tell you, you are like every good moment with them, them meaning Brian and Holly, and once again I’m at every cafe I’ve ever been too. I’m lying on red silk sheets and eating bits of apple naked. How Lilith of me. You’re making art and friends, you’re balancing light and darkness. How Samael of you.
I slept 5 hours
Dreamt Stoya was spinning gold on a spindle. Jesus, yes that Jesus and I were going to bring her coffee. We all decided to walk on water. “I’ve never done that.” She says. “Oh it’s easy I tell her, just put on these heels.”
Started the Tower card
"I feel you." Depeche Mode. (Such a goth, I know)
The moment I was I thought of my brother and called to him he messaged me.