May 2012
14 posts
2 tags
Day 14: Sitting Still
The summer I lived with Holly my stomach was a swirling mess. When the doctor asked me what was wrong I told her the moths had eaten through the lining. She wasn’t pleased.
Two years later sitting in my apartment in Bed-Stuy a moth beat it’s wings against a flickering light bulb until I asked out loud, “What’s your message?” Three days later I got my answer. They...
2 tags
Day 13: The Yellow Line
I remember walking the yellow line. I remember standing arms out with a boy I barely knew. We were watching the cars whiz by pressing our toes then heels against the paint. It was a moment that could have killed us both and yet it didn’t. I’m not quite sure if we chose life or it chose us but either way, I’m still here. I’m not sure if he still is.
Right now Johnny...
2 tags
Day 12: Calling
“Time is a storm in which we are all lost.” ― William Carlos Williams
The thing about places and memory association is that they change with time. A few years ago I couldn’t travel without crying to and from my destination.I associated traveling with loss or if traveling abroad I would cry coming home because I didn’t want to leave the beauty that was Europe. I yearned for...
2 tags
Day 11: Soft
I drank coffee and played with the pendulum by the chapel this morning. The humidity had already set in. I meant to spend the day studying palmistry but the day got away from me and I had other tasks to tend to. We celebrated birthdays with fresh summer fruits and delectable chocolate cakes. Tomorrow brings the Hadley Flea Market, a place I haven’t been to since I lived with Holly back...
4 tags
Day 10: In Transit
“All water has a perfect memory and is forever trying to get back to where it was. “ Toni Morrison
At 4 a.m. I threw my red shoes into the suitcase and zipped it up. “Make sure you remember your camera.” Melissa said. She knew I had been playing with it earlier and would probably throw it on the bed and forget. About an hour later I was out the door and in Grand...
4 tags
Day 9: NY Stories
I almost didn’t go. Jon’s condition had gotten worse and it was pouring. I didn’t feel like doing my hair or dressing up. But when I got the two texts confirming time I had no choice. I also knew I couldn’t lock myself away forever or back out on my friends. I got dressed and made my way to the Bronx. Sometimes just being out of your space can completely change your...
3 tags
Day 8: Safe In This Frame
The other night I had a dream about you. You were lying in the hospital bed right as you are now. I ran my hand over you. There were rules. I would ask you whether you wanted to stay or go. Your eyes were open. If I ran my hand down your face and closed your eyes it was time. If my hand landed on your lips and parted them you were free to tell your story.
I placed my fingers over your...
Day 7: Glasglow Smile
Your blood is in my altar. It’s mixed in with crushed bone and the rose petals you gave me to complete Hela’s piece. You were sitting on my bed watching me paint and asked me if I’d include you in it. So I mixed it all in and began brushing stroke after stroke. Later in the evening I thought you were sleeping and I added more into the corners. I place the goat jaw bones...
2 tags
Day 6: Death Becomes Her
We are all going to die—all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are all flattened and terrorized by trivialities, we are eaten by nothing—Bukowski
I wore the poppy dress not knowing what messages would come. I didn’t think I would get a message that a friend had overdosed. They found him in the field with a needle nearby. ...
5 tags
Day 5: Sugar Rush
There is something terribly morbid in the modern sympathy with pain. One should sympathise with the colour, the beauty, the joy of life. The less said about life’s sores the better. - Oscar Wilde
Today marked the solar eclipse in Gemini during the Venus Rx and New Moon. At 0 degrees Gemini it’s all about karmic cycles and new beginnings. Basically the theme of this eclipse was...
3 tags
Day 4: Finding Small Homes
The only thing I remembered from my dream was this yellow dress. I’m not even sure it was a dream, perhaps a flash of a picture and then I woke up. I put the dress on, had my coffee and packed up to find the cafe I have been obsessed with. Just Kids was on my mind again. If there’s any book that teaches you about life, art, love, and being an artist it’s that one. I...
2 tags
Day 3: The Wonder Wheel
I was late to Ashley and Joe’s wedding but on time enough to head back to the reception with the crowd. I don’t normally like weddings, they’re filled with tension and posed photos, but I loved Ashley and Joe’s. They got married on the boardwalk by the Wonder Wheel and took photos sharing hotdogs by Nathan’s. We took the subway back to the city to Housing Works...
6 tags
Day 2: Down by the Water
Do not blame the circumstances and do not blame others. Remove your own weaknesses.” — Amma
I spent another day in the park, this time with Julia drinking iced coffee, and taking photographs. I’m finding myself paying close attention to the weather as it shifts my mood drastically. My outbursts come with rain and usually have nothing to do with who I’m crying to. They are also...
2 tags
Day 1: Abnormally Attracted to Sin
I woke up this morning with Venus Rx on my mind. At least it stopped raining. The rain kills my moods and makes me an inconsolable tear factory, so this morning was good. I only cried a little over miscommunications. This morning I was breaking cycles. No more sugar, no more co-dependency, no more poor relationship patterns, or pulling away, and destroying. I have to be soft, inspired, and...
