Dangerous Combinations

Day 26: Laenah

I was telling a man I barely know that the white masks scared me.

“Why do they scare you?”

“I don’t know. They’re just blank. They’re strange shape, I don’t like them.”

“So what is it that you’re really afraid of. The void?”

I thought for a moment. “Maybe.”

“What is it that Neitzsche said, ‘If you look long enough into the void the void begins to look back through you.’”

He got me. Whether he was kidding or not he got me, and he quoted Neitzsche while doing it. Damn him.

It’s like drinking wormwood in a candlelit room.

Confession:
I love when people quote. i do it all the time.

Oracle:
The World

Body:
Tea!

Sacrifice:

Keeping in contact with people constantly. When I travel I tend to stop a lot of it.

Relinquish:
Any ideas of what is “supposed” to happen in my life. just go with it.

Inspiration/Gods:
Roma

Oddities:
No oddities but Valya, Madeline, and I stayed up late laughing our heads off and I loved every moment.

Structure:
I blogged. Go me.

Day 25: Chovahan

“Some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again.” ― C.S. Lewis

With the year of the snake brought skin shedding. I’m noticing as this year progresses my fear is dwindling but my privacy settings are getting harder to unlock. The bewitching season has begun.

Valya and I met with Juie and walked through Wicker Park and the Ukrainian village. I like to walk through small parts of big cities and grasp the history of it’s tenants. I like to be with people who have seen the streets change over time. We sipped coffee talking about dreams and ancestors.

This feel like a new time for me. The year of the snake started out venomous and quickly transitioned. Once you shed your skin, nothing is quite the same.

The moment I walked past this club I called it my soul mate. Turns out there’s a lot of history there. “There was a dancer in the bar and she used to do a fan dance and burlesque act. My Grandfather thought that was great.”

If a city gives me it’s history and I can feel it in my core. It’ll have my heart forever.

Confession:
I wasn’t quite sure why i booked this trip when I did. I had my own personal reasons but it’s transforming me in ways I’ve never known.

Oracle:
Self Employment Card and the Falcon Card.

Body:
Walking

Sacrifice:

Saying no to pastries because you’re gluten free can be rough.

Relinquish:
letting go of the constant need to schedule, stay home, and work

Inspiration/Gods:
History

Oddities:
sometimes you meet people for all the right reasons. you say something and it all clicks.

Structure:
I’m blogging and planning my class

Day 24: Gudlo-pishen

Photo by Richard Shay

A loving heart is the truest wisdom.- Charles Dickens

I spent the day with a wide variety of beautiful souls. There is something so nourishing about seeing old friends, meeting new ones, connecting with people you’ve met a few times, being inspired and laughing hysterically into the night.

Visiting a friends studio brought along a wave of excitement for future projects and a nice dose of caffeine.  And later that evening an intimate birthday party that made me smile and act silly with one of my dearest friends.

I gave the birthday boy this painting. It just seemed right, it all came together in an odd little flow. He’s a very special man. It all comes down to bees and sweetness. The honey that makes this world worth living in.

I’ve known Nicole since pre-school. She’s one of my most cherished friends in the world.

We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Confession:
Walking through the streets of Chicago makes me feel like a teen walking through Springfrield and Noho.

Oracle:
Intuition and bees.

Body:
I ran around a lot and ate delicious gluten free cake. Also laughing.

Sacrifice:
perhaps the internet?

Relinquish:
Everything. It was a gorgeous, beautiful, perfect day.

Inspiration/Gods:
Friends, laughter, love

Oddities:
Intuition again. intuition is one of the strongest keys we have.

Structure:
So many people in just one day! We were champions of being social.

 Apparently I’m just going to post all my old favorites.

Day 23: Latcho Drom

We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls. - Anais Nin

Sometimes the ancestors push you into a direction. You’re not quite sure why they are pushing you but you listen. Ancestors you see, walk in front of and behind you. They see what is ahead and warn you of pot holes. They tell you where to be and when. There’s always a reason. Sometimes you can’t question them, all you can do is trust, and take the path they paved.

Travel, in the younger sort, is a part of education; in the elder, a part of experience. - Francis Bacon

Confession:
I’m not sure I really have anything to confess today.

Oracle:
10 of wands. Hmmmm no sleep and trying to get everything done? No you’re not taking too much on at all Ms. Foisy.

Body:
I slept 2 hours on the plane. That’s good right?

Sacrifice:
Sleep

Relinquish:
Fear. Suddenly everything is so much clearer and brighter.

Inspiration/Gods:
Eleggua, Marina Abramovic and Ulay

Oddities:
None really.

Structure:
Getting to plane on time.

Day 22: Rawnie

“I wanted the whole world or nothing.” ― Charles Bukowski, Post Office

The day before the journey always carries the most tension. I don’t sleep. I sip tea and coffee and water with chlorophyll. I light candles and sweep the floors slamming the door three times after.

I had lit a Santisima candle to clear out the air and let good things through. Her love of Tequila and roses had me at the start. The candle burned rapidly turning into twin flames and flowing onto the altar around the Pomba Gira. Justina says the candles she burned for me did the same thing. Sheryl and I talk about how to interpret them. It’s all in the wax and flames really. Santisima Muerte is a lady.

Confession:
Totally stressed trying to get everything done before the trip.

Oracle:
It wasn’t but it was The Chariot.

Body:
Packed, cleaned, all that jazz

Sacrifice:
Sleep

Relinquish:
Sadness. I’ve been feeling rather good lately.

Inspiration/Gods:
Santisima Muerte

Oddities:
The cupboards were opening by themselves again.

Structure:
packing, cleaning, paying bills

Day 21: Del-engro

“If you want to find Cherry-Tree Lane all you have to do is ask the Policeman at the cross-roads.” ― P.L. Travers, Mary Poppins

Just like Fortuna’s daughter, I anointed my hair in oils and dressed in gold. It’s hard to soothe a kicking horse but not impossible. You just have to know the right words.

Pāle the wafri bāk jāls the kushti bāk. - Behind bad luck comes good luck.

Rita sent me a photograph of something I had written in her notebook a while back. I wrote of Eleggua and drew Gypsy symbols on the side with the inscription Latcho Drom - safe journey.

Holly’s son called me. “It’s the day before your birthday darling.” I say into the receiver. He proceeds to tell me about video games. He asks me about his mother and I tell him she was an amazing writer and artist, a gorgeous soul and a natural beauty.

“Was she a better artist than you?”

“Very much so.”

He was a beam of light when everything seemed hopeless. His foster mother tells me he’d call me multiple times a day if he could. I send him three pictures through email for his birthday, holding up a sign with his name. He asked me to paint him a portrait of him, his grandfather, and his uncle. I gathered the reference.

Confession:
I need a little (a lot) of alone time.

Oracle:
The image Rita sent with the message to myself.

Body:
I think i just may have painted and cleaned all day.

Sacrifice:
I spent extra money to finish things before the trip because I ran out of time.

Relinquish:
Guilt. I feel rather light after I talk to Q.

Inspiration/Gods:
Candle magic and fortune telling. Eleggua, Fortuna, Kali
 
Oddities:
The message that came through from Rita but of course not so odd at all.

Structure:
painting, emailing, gathering files, plotting, shipping

Day 20: Diviou

“Mad Hatter: “Why is a raven like a writing-desk?”
“Have you guessed the riddle yet?” the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
“No, I give it up,” Alice replied: “What’s the answer?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

In the time crunch I had a panic attack. I took things out of drawers, accidentally messed up a painting, laid my coat on the floor of the dining room and put a painting on it. Melissa came home as I leaned on my bed breathless.

“What happened?”

“I had a panic attack.”

“So you put your coat on the floor and threw a painting on it?”

“Yes.”

“What did that accomplish?”

“Nothing.”

I picked up the coat, hung up the painting and went back to work.
 As it turns out, the moment I cleaned the house everything lifted. Imagine that.

Confession:
I’m not even sure why I really went mad.

Oracle:
9 of Clubs again

Body:
Walking

Sacrifice:
Money to get things done.

Relinquish:
Well I finally relinquished stress.

Inspiration/Gods:
Tasseomancy
 
Oddities:
Synchronicities of all sorts.

Structure:
So much painting and planning.

One of my favorite songs of all time.

Day 19: Chik

“Have you ever met someone for the first time, but in your heart you feel as if you’ve met them before?” ― JoAnne Kenrick, When A Mullo Loves A Woman

Graveyard dirt, goofer dust, dead man’s ashes, whatever you want to call it, I’ve got it. But I’m not a girl who buries anyone. I’m not a girl with coffin nails or garlic bulbs. Instead I’m a girl with a red dress and a jar of honey. I will make you tea and read the leaves.

I went to pick up my dress from Justina and have Shabbat dinner. She asked me to pull four cards from the Gypsy Witch deck. I pulled The sun - happiness,popularity, the fish - financial success, the stork - change of residence , and The Queen of hearts (the ring) marriage. I’ve never pulled 4 of one suit in my life, indeed these are odd Pisces times.

Then she pulled a card out from her bag. “I found this the other day and knew I had to give it to you.” The 9 of Clubs - it’s the card of luck, travel, success, and wish fulfillment.

Confession:
Crunch time. My trip. It’s so soon! Must finish everything.

Oracle:
Dem cards.

Body:
Modeled for my friend Andy.

Sacrifice:
Didn’t over check the internets.

Relinquish:
Fear of not finishing everything. Okay here’s a confession I’m still freaking out.

Inspiration/Gods:
Gypsy magic, beautiful friendships, crazy snowstorms that tun into 3 hour conversations.
 
Oddities:

Pulling those cards.

Structure:
Went home and painted. So much to be done!

Day 18: Klism-hev

“There is in fact something obscene and sinister about photography, a desire to imprison, to incorporate, a sexual intensity of pursuit.” ― William S. Burroughs

Somewhere in here there’s a keyhole. Mi cocoro, I will find it and when I do I will push each key in and turn it slightly to see if it is the one. I will giggle. I might bat my eyes and part my lips, but I will find it. I’ve opened the other locks, some with small keys, some by placing them gently to my ear until I heard the faint click and figured out the code. The problem with picking the locks and breaking the codes is that they’re always slightly damaged.

Today I got the phone call. It was one of those odd days where everything’s crunched because you’re about to travel. It was good news on the line, something secret, a light at the end of a dark tunnel. When the universe tells you to move forward it’s not playing around. It’s odd to see your life forming together in the way your teenage self had predicted.

“Happiness consists in realizing it is all a great strange dream” ― Jack Kerouac

There are good days and bad days. Sometimes in between days but the point of all of them is to become fearless. I’ve booked trips with no money and nowhere to stay and had them show their meaning on the way. Stand up, look in the mirror, face it all, pack your bag, and go where the Whirling Wind takes you.

Confession:
Feeling a little self conscious because my eating habits are bad right now and I’m not drinking enough water. Also there’s not enough time in the day.

Oracle:
Cockroach

Body:
I ate too much. I did. You don’t even want to know the gluttony I have partaken in.

Sacrifice:
Laying off chats to work on paintings.

Relinquish:
Feeling bad for being a glutton

Inspiration/Gods:
Frida Kahlo, painting, art in general
 
Oddities:

While taking a bath the sink turned on by itself.

Structure:
Painting and planning. Eep I leave so soon!

Day 17: Artapen

To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes

Understanding the panopticon taught me a few things about prison gates and the ever watching eye. The floodlights used as backdrops and cement walls create open surveillance for the guards and invisibility to the other inmates. But today I got a glimpse of another inmate. Today I saw freedom.

“He who is subjected to a field of visibility, and who knows it, assumes responsibility for the constraints of power; he makes them play spontaneously upon himself; he inscribes in himself the power relation in which he simultaneously plays both roles; he becomes the principle of his own subjection” - Jeremy Bentham

Kate and I walked around and through SCOPE climbing into some of the pieces. We got there early and not all the gallery tags were up. The show was strong and for the most part inspiring. I found my spirit animal, a horse covered in jewels and spikes with a mirror for a head. It was sleek and dangerous and fragile at the same time.

Photo by marylai_newyork

And after to see Dita Von Teese with Lord Kat. Amidst all the sparkle and swarovski crystals I spotted the other inmate. I heard his voice and turned the other way. We caught a glimpse of each other, not saying anything. I picked up my head, pursed my quivering lips and averted my eyes. I knew that look he gave, I’ve seen it before. I’m not a fighter and I don’t believe in holding grudges. I walked away. The way things end is so pivotal, sending you into spirals or oblivion. But the light shines and it shines so bright and it’s so nice to finally see the stars. The show was gorgeous.

Confession:
I cried after I saw him because something so innocent turned so quickly. Because none of this should have happened.

Oracle:
The World

Body:
Walking around Scope

Sacrifice:
laying off the internets for the most part.

Relinquish:
Anger and welcome forgiveness

Inspiration/Gods:
Scope, art, the beautiful Dita Von Teese, good friends
 
Oddities:
To run into this person. It freed me in a sense.

Structure:
I did two events in one day. That’s a big deal for me. I can barely leave the house.