We are all going to die—all of us, what a circus! That alone should make us love each other but it doesn’t. We are all flattened and terrorized by trivialities, we are eaten by nothing—Bukowski
I wore the poppy dress not knowing what messages would come. I didn’t think I would get a message that a friend had overdosed. They found him in the field with a needle nearby. I tried to be shocked but I wasn’t. He told me he was clean but I never believed him. He once told me I saved him. I didn’t believe him then either.
I’m waiting at home to find out if the poppies have made him sleep or if his soul wants one more day, maybe two, or three, perhaps a couple of years.
This eclipse has brought many things, mostly endings. I will build up to beginnings but right now suspension.
This reminds me of that friend in the hospital.
“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock.
people so tired
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
it hasn’t told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
watering a plant.”
― Charles Bukowski, Love is a Dog from Hell
Friendships in suspension, life in suspension, no wonder I pulled The Hanged Man
“What matters most is how well you walk through the fire”
― Charles Bukowski
1.) Confession - I didn’t pray for you because I didn’t know what you wanted
2.) Oracle - The Hanged Man
3.) Body - Chocolate and cherries
4.) Sacrifice - Myself
5.) Relinquish - Feeling bad about being who I am
6.) Inspiration - Bukowski and The Stand By Me soundtrack
7.) Structure - Painting, writing, photos