Dangerous Combinations

Day 26: Issues

I spend most days clutching at chunks of skin in the mirror.  I’m always assessing my body. Did it get bigger? Did it shrink? I’m still surprised when I get described as a bombshell in an article.

And for all of this I still look in the mirror on other days admiring my shape in a pencil skirt.  I’m not perfect.  I have doughy knees and thick thighs but I have decent self esteem and I can now step away from situations that I know will cause me or others harm.

A lot of people ask me if I’m okay with being naked or partially dressed on the internet, if it makes me less of a businesswoman, or less respectable as a human being.  And here’s what I tell them: I still read as many books as I used to, whether clothed or naked.  I can still write an article or hold my own in a debate.  I’m called smart, mystical, talented, mysterious, and magical. People I respect write to tell me they respect my work.

So yes, I’m perfectly okay if you see my nipple in this lifetime. I’ve done okay for myself so far and I’ll keep doing better. It doesn’t make me a slut and if it did I wouldn’t care as long as in the long run I was happy. If anything it makes me open.  Open to understanding you because you’ve seen me, eating disorders and sugar addictions and all.  I keep on living and you do too.

“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.”
— F. Scott Fitzgerald

1.) Confession -  My body issues fluctuate daily
2.) Oracle - While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
`’Tis some visitor,’ I muttered, `tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.’ - Edgar Allan Poe
3.) Body - Not much I was working on an article all day
4.) Sacrifice - time outside for time working. Although I did do the writing in the backyard.
5.) Relinquish - Being annoyed I wasn’t in the park
6.) Inspiration - Storytelling through music
7.) Structure - I wrote an article and edited pics.

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