Dangerous Combinations

Day 28: Home

I want to live in a country with multicolored houses and cobblestone streets.  I want to learn a new language and immerse myself in a new culture.  I want there to be shipping ports and tiny passage ways, a place to watch the boats as they dock. I want green grass and trees nearby. I want to find a home.

I tell this to an ex.  He says that as artists we’re getting priced out of New York but he still considers this home. “I don’t think I have a home.” I tell him. “I’ve never quite belonged anywhere.”

Or maybe it’s because I’ve never had the ideal circumstances. Would I love New York if I had an apartment on the Upper East Side? Would I adore it if I lived across the street from a cafe on the Lower East Side? I don’t know.

I remember talking to Jon about it.  And when he died everything shifted into perspective.  I have to find a home, whether it’s here or in some land I’ve never stepped foot in.  And I close my eyes and listen to the wind. 

I remember telling Taylor about it. I told him all about my wardrobe trunk and my need to condense.  “I wish I had a wardrobe trunk.” He said. “I’d do it all again.” And so the match was struck, the tiny light etched into my head. I walk down to the crossroads three pennies in hand.

1.) Confession -  I’m having horrible horrible body issues.
2.) Oracle - I cannot for the life of me remember
3.) Body - Walking.  I like to walk.
4.) Sacrifice - I tried to sacrifice sugar.  I ate chocolate instead.
5.) Relinquish - Guilt for eating that chocolate
6.) Inspiration - Foreign lands and languages
7.) Structure - I worked.

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